Bodies

Double standards. They exist everywhere. For everyone. Life’s not fair. Get the fuck over it. Yes. But.

I’ve been all over the weight spectrum. Growing up, I was always smaller than my classmates. Not necessarily skinny, just small. I didn’t break five feet until like the eighth grade. I hated it. HATED. I shed many a tear over my child size 10’s hanging in my closet through middle school. Then that bitch puberty came and all of a sudden I wasn’t the tiniest one in school anymore. NOPE. I gained approximately 20 pounds in the summer between my junior and senior years of high school. And then I gained the dreaded freshman fifteen (twice). At my heaviest, I was a wreck. Emotionally and physically. I was disgusted with myself and developed a mean obsession with my weight. I binged like I’d never binged before. And kept gaining.

 

But then I lost it. I guess we can get to that story later, because it wasn’t really that simple. I did a lot of…finding myself (oh dear God I know, gag me with a fucking SPOON). It wasn’t just eating less and moving more. It was mental. I became more comfortable with who I was as a person. Focused on things besides my weight.

 

Over time, my weight has settled on the low end of normal. But still. NORMAL. I am at a healthy weight for my frame. This doesn’t stop people from telling me I’m too skinny. I need to eat a sandwich. I must be anorexic. Oh, excuse? Would you say such things to someone who is on the slightly chubby end of the spectrum? METHINKS NOT.

 

Honestly, I love my body. I can wear whatever the hell I want and I don’t have to struggle to maintain my weight. I eat what I want. And a lot of it. Granted, I eat mostly (very) healthy foods, but still. I’m not slavishly counting calories or nibbling rice cakes

 

So why should I be made to feel like my body is somehow less than?

 

I don’t know where I’m going with this, really. Maybe it’s this: my body is my own. I am comfortable where I am. And I should be allowed to take pride in a body that has allowed me to do so much. It’s climbed mountains and swam in oceans and built an entire apartment’s worth of IKEA furniture and sprinted to catch the last Metro home. I guess sometimes I just need to remind myself of that.